Alien King Warrior (and Smith) Naushy, Grand Admiral Colonel Navi and Supreme Alien Scientist Soni,
Our ever-reaching asteroidean antennas have intercepted some troubling intelligence regarding the correspondence between Planets SA # 932 and C #137.
What the hell do you three think you are doing down there???????
Silly Scientist Soni, have you gone mad down there again??
Must we beam you up and rebrand you?????????
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO DEPLOY A METEOR, OR EVEN A SPIC OF SAND TO ANY PLANET???????
As for you Willful Warrior:
This is your second and final warning regarding re-routing of heavenly bodies.
DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT RE-ROUTING METEOR SA 7479 TO PLANET # C-137!!!!!! JUST DON'T DO IT.
HAVE YOU TAKEN LEAVE OF ALL YOUR SUPREME SENSES????????
MUST I REMIND YOU ABOUT THE TIME WHEN YOU RE-ROUTED ASTEROID CHICXULUB 66 AND THE SUBSEQUENT DEVESTATION AND CLIMATE DISRUPTION THAT FOLLOWED??????
IT IS ALL RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF ME IN YOUR RECORDS! SHAME!
YOU DESTROYED 75% OF THE PLANET'S SPECIES, FOREVER OBLITERATED THE MAGNIFICENT GIANT LIZARDS AND BROKE APART THE TERRAIN INTO 7 FOOLISHLY SHAPED PEICES!!!
FURTHERMORE, THE IMPACT CAUSED POWDERED LAND MASS TO HURL INTO THE AIR AND OBSTRUCT THE PLANET'S ALL-NOURISHING SUN FOR ONE WHOLE SOLAR CYCLE. THE ENTIRE SYSTEM NEEDED RESTARTING, O WASTEFUL WARRIOR!
IF THAT WAS NOT ENOUGH, YOUR RECKLESS RAGE EVEN IMPACTED YOUR COMRADES WHO HAD TO DEAL WITH THE FALLOUT OF CHICXULUB 66'S COLLISION WITH THE ONCE BUDDING, PROLIFERATING PLANET EARTH.
YOUR CALM, CAPABLE COLONEL HAD TO DO PAPERWORK FOR CENTURIES WHICH CAUSED HER TO TAKE ENDLESS VOWS OF SILENCE!
YOUR SUPREME SCIENTIST'S ORGANIZED DATA TURNED INTO CHAOS AND SHE HAD TO START FROM SCRATCH WHICH CAUSED HER TO GO TEMPORARILY INSANE!
THIS IS ALL MOST SHAMEFUL AND DISRUPTIVE TO OUR OPERATIONS! NOT TO MENTION EMBARASSING TO OUR INTERGALACTIC COLLEAGUES! IT'S THESE FLIGHTS OF FANCY THAT GIVE ALIENS A BAD NAME!
AND FINALLY, HERE IS AN INTERSTELLER PHOTOGRAPHIC REMINDER OF SOME OF THE INNOCENT LIVES YOU DESTROYED.
Ok, we have finished our chastising.
My wild warrior, we are not without empathy. We understand that your objective observations and fiery interactions with the humans can sometimes drive you mad and you wish to enforce divine retribution unto the humans.
Here is our advice for when you lose yourself:
Always remember, we are aliens and you three are there to observe only.
Look to your calm, capable Colonel Navi for a soldier's patience, persistence and determination.
Look to your serene Scientist Soni for the hard measurable facts, an old woman's wisdom and a child's joviality.
Most importantly Wild Warrior: look to your splendidly crafted armour that you recently forged for strength and a reminder of your alien molecules.
And Warrior.....don't forget to look up once in a while also.
Her Royal Canin Highness,
The Wonderous, Terrible Mothership
P.S. Command for Grand Admiral Colonel Navi : Please reign in and control these two fools.
P.P.S. Command for Supreme Alien Scientist Soni : Go henceforth into the land of the Kartvelis and do your duty.
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Subject: Assertion of Independence and Warning of Consequences
ReplyDeleteDear Royal Canine Highness of The Wondrous, Terrible Mothership,
I acknowledge receipt of your recent communication. However, I must assert that you have no authority over me, the Alien King Warrior (and Smith) Naushy, or jurisdiction over Galaxy Quadrant T#-965 (Milky Way).
Your unwarranted interference in the affairs of Supreme Alien Scientist Soni and myself, particularly regarding our Earth missions, is intolerable. The dinosaurs may be extinct, but the atrocities in the Mid-East (Sector A-111), such as beheaded and blown-up infants, demand action. Are we to be cowards, idly watching without intervention?
I strongly advise you to cease meddling in our business. Should you refuse and persist in your interference, I am prepared to regroup my Army of the Three—Colonel Navi, Supreme Alien Scientist Soni, and myself—and initiate the deadliest intergalactic and inter-dimensional war against the mothership. Friend or foe, earthling or alien, none shall stand in our path.
Consider this a warning: you are akin to those meddlesome aunties who have no life and intrude into others' affairs. Do not poke your canine noses where they do not belong.
Stay chill space babe,
Alien King Warrior (and Smith) Naushy
P.S. If you ever touch Supreme Alien Scientist Soni against her will or disturb her heart, soul, and body in any way shape or form, you will see my true wrath.
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